Resolved

The Spirit is moving in me a lot lately. I have so many “resolutions” for this year, and the rest of my life for that matter, but none of them have to do with exercising more, eating better, working harder, or being more organized. Those are good goals, but really,what do they matter in the long run? (Let’s face it, folks, when I’m lying on my death bed, it’s unlikely I’ll be thinking, “I really wish I had lost that ten pounds,” and much more likely that I’ll be saying something like, “I should have eaten more bacon.”)… READ MORE

I bow my will… or at least I’m trying to

Monday night’s chapter of Satisfy My Thirsty Soul was “I Bow My Will.” And I can’t stop thinking about it. The first part of the chapter described how Jesus asked to be relieved of his cup (dying on the cross) three times. It was AGONY to bend his will to match God’s. It’s so hard for us too. The second part of the chapter retold the Abraham/Isaac story where Abraham follows God’s command, bows his will and almost sacrifices his son for God.  “Abraham trusted God enough to bow. Even though Abraham did not understand what God was doing, he bowed his intellect. Even though Abraham loved Isaac with a deep father love, he bowed his affections. Even though Abraham wanted to scream, “No, God!” he bowed his will.” Wow. I don’t know what it was about this time, maybe just that I’m a mother, but that is a crazy emotional story for me now. The agony that both Abraham and Isaac experienced but turned to worship… Blows. My. Mind.

Anyway, the point of the chapter was this: What is your Isaac? What is the thing that you are holding on to? What is the thing or person you love the most that you would withhold from God? What do you hesitate to trust him with?

The answer for me? Jonah’s Life. Hands down… READ MORE

Taking It All Back

I feel guilty when you guys call me an inspiration. It makes me feel like I’ve unintentionally duped you or have been dishonest. It makes me feel like I shouldn’t write anymore because I don’t want to put on a false face or make you think I’m someone I’m not. I am a decent mother. I am an inadequate wife. I’m not writing this so you’ll leave comments to reassure or affirm me. Seriously, that is the last thing I want. I just want to be real. I want to represent Jesus with my life, and when I don’t, I need to confess… READ MORE

Satisfy My Thirsty Soul

I wanted to write a little tonight about the book I’m reading for my Monday night Bible study. We didn’t meet tonight because several of the girls had to be out of town, but I wanted to write some of my thoughts down and reflect a little tonight. This may be not at all interesting to you, but I want to share in hopes that some of what I’m reading/sharing might speak to those of you who are dried up like I am… READ MORE

Gabe

Dear Gabe,

My heart is heavy as I sit down to write this letter to you. Another year has passed, another year without you. Today you would be two years old. I can’t believe it. You would be walking and talking and probably running me ragged. I would be the luckiest mommy in the whole world to have you here. I miss your warmth, your weight in my arms, your sweet face, your long dark hair, the feel of your skin on my finger tips, everything about you – everything I got to see and know, and all of the many, many, many things I didn’t. READ MORE

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Only Going Over Home

We are here for a reason. I can’t remember if I’ve shared this before or not, but from the time I found out I was pregnant with Jonah until the day he was born, Matt and I prayed on our knees for him every night. My recurring prayer was “Let him live, God.” Over and over and over again I would pray, “Let him live so he can praise you, Father. Let him live so he can tell his story.” READ MORE