Deep Thoughts

I have felt under attack the last couple of weeks. I’m not sure what it is or what exactly has happened. I’m craving the Word like never before, excited about what God shows me every day when I spend time with him, being changed by Beth Moore’s “Believing God” study, desiring Godly, mature Christian women’s guidance in my life…

But shwoo. I have been involved in more drama in the last few weeks than I have since middle school. Some of it my fault. Some of it not. And for the most part, my intentions have been good. And then somehow something gets said or something gets taken out of context or turned around, and all of a sudden, I’m feeling attacked or misjudged and act like a hot head, spouting off and making things not-at-all-Jesusy.

I’m not sure how it keeps happening.

Learning humility stinks. I guess that’s a lesson no one can learn the easy way. Just the nature of humility I guess. Maybe the only way to learn it is to mess up, fall down, and seek Him to make it all better. Honestly, I’m just trying to love Jesus. That’s all I want to do in the whole world. READ MORE


Dear Gabe,

Today would have been your fourth birthday. As I was lying in bed with Jonah last night, after prayers and singing time, I was telling him that you were celebrating four years up in Heaven. How has it been that long Sweet Boy?

The past several months, I haven’t been missing you quite as much. Time helps heal, I guess… READ MORE

preg with gabe


This morning, our sermon was on living faithfully, especially during times of trial, praying and trusting in God’s power to do the unbelievable, and living in the hope that comes from that. A reminder that if our faith is in Jesus, we can look beyond circumstances and trials, and live in hope anyway, even when it seems impossible… READ MORE

The Proposal

Matt and I are reading through the Bible this year, and have just finished reading Radical. And although the Church does many good things (and I’m in no way speaking against any congregation or church specifically, just more the American Church as a whole), we miss the point. A lot. When I read that the first Christians sold all they had and gave to each other as each had need, and I hear Jesus say not to store up earthly treasures, and I read that I’m commanded (commanded, not called) to sacrifice everything to live and love like Jesus and to help those in need, I wonder how we got here. How we got to this place of planning beach retirements, huge life insurance policies, cushy retirement accounts, working like dogs to one day be able to do whatever WE want (or nothing at all), and to live for ourselves. All of this while people starve in the streets, thousands don’t have the medical care they need (even in our own country), millions of people live on less than $2 a day etc. There are so many needs. READ MORE


Last June I wrote this post on adoption (And then I chickened out and swore that Jonah would be our only child forever and ever AMEN.) In January I vowed to read the entire Bible for the first time in my life within the coming year (I know. Crazy concept for a 20 year Christian huh? I’m not proud of it.). In late January, Matt and I began reading the book Radical by David Platt with our respective Bible/book study groups. Forty days ago I wrote this post about what the Holy Spirit has been doing in our lives and some big decisions that we’ve been praying about. 

And we’ve come to a decision… READ MORE

Here We Go Again

Shwoo. The Holy Spirit is turning me upside down these days. I have so much rolling around in my head, and very little that I can actually put words to. Between reading the gospels and reading Radical (and I’m only in chapter 4!), God is doing quite a work in my heart. I love it when He does that, but I also find it incredibly uncomfortable. I was joking (sort of) with my friend, Meredith, the other day, and told her that, for me, at this moment in my life, the Holy Spirit isn’t so much the Comforter as the DIS-Comforter. 🙂 READ MORE


The Spirit is moving in me a lot lately. I have so many “resolutions” for this year, and the rest of my life for that matter, but none of them have to do with exercising more, eating better, working harder, or being more organized. Those are good goals, but really,what do they matter in the long run? (Let’s face it, folks, when I’m lying on my death bed, it’s unlikely I’ll be thinking, “I really wish I had lost that ten pounds,” and much more likely that I’ll be saying something like, “I should have eaten more bacon.”)… READ MORE

I bow my will… or at least I’m trying to

Monday night’s chapter of Satisfy My Thirsty Soul was “I Bow My Will.” And I can’t stop thinking about it. The first part of the chapter described how Jesus asked to be relieved of his cup (dying on the cross) three times. It was AGONY to bend his will to match God’s. It’s so hard for us too. The second part of the chapter retold the Abraham/Isaac story where Abraham follows God’s command, bows his will and almost sacrifices his son for God.  “Abraham trusted God enough to bow. Even though Abraham did not understand what God was doing, he bowed his intellect. Even though Abraham loved Isaac with a deep father love, he bowed his affections. Even though Abraham wanted to scream, “No, God!” he bowed his will.” Wow. I don’t know what it was about this time, maybe just that I’m a mother, but that is a crazy emotional story for me now. The agony that both Abraham and Isaac experienced but turned to worship… Blows. My. Mind.

Anyway, the point of the chapter was this: What is your Isaac? What is the thing that you are holding on to? What is the thing or person you love the most that you would withhold from God? What do you hesitate to trust him with?

The answer for me? Jonah’s Life. Hands down… READ MORE